First Impressions, Perfume, Random Asides

Active Time Report: First Impressions of Vivienne Westwood’s Naughty Alice

Don’t get me wrong. I love me a good, complex fragrance that evolves as you wear it, especially since I’m as averse to heights as I am to putting on real pants. My options for adventure are limited, after all. The problem, though, is that as long as I’m using this blog to write about my experiences trying new perfumes, it’s hard to not occasionally long for an uncomplicated perfumes that ask for only a modicum of consideration for proper appreciation. Thank goodness, then, for Vivienne Westwood’s Naughty Alice.

Naughty Alice is a no frills, no fuss, no-doubt delightful powdery fragrance with a pleasing fruity floral heft. It’s a casual shapeshifter: similar throughout the day, but never quite the same.It’s like a L’Eau en Blanc with a more viscous sweetness, or Insolence Eau Glacée with the warmth of ripe fruits, springtime florals and a hot oil treatment. Its notes seem blended past the point of distinction, and I like it all the more for that.

Hell, the thing I’ve spent the most time considering is what makes this perfume so naughty. Did Alice spill the powdered sugar while making a fruit tart? Spoil her appetite on jam-filled doughnuts? Was Vivienne Westwood just being ironic? I don’t know, but I was haunted by this question all day—just kidding! I actually spent most of the day thinking about how I previously best knew Vivienne Westwood’s work from the wedding dress she designed for Final Fantasy XV:

lunafreya wedding dress ffxv

[via CAISA Fashion Show]

And the rest of the day was spent wondering whether or not this meant I could use this as an excuse to prattle on about how gay that game is, because it’s first anniversary is today, and I know no better way to celebrate. *SPOILER ALERT* It does.

Final Fantasy XV is the latest entry in an internationally beloved 30-year-old RPG franchise that I first fell in love with when Final Fantasy VI (or Final Fantasy III, as it was first released on the US SNES) had a character sing and opera and oops, then I was an opera queen. FFXV had a fraught, 10-year development and it’s fair share of critiques when it finally came out, but I really loved it. The fact that there are no female playable characters might fail the Bechdel Test with flying colors, but it also makes Final Fantasy XV the homoerotic boyfriend simulator I’ve always wanted. This subtle internet fan art knows what I’m talking about:

[via Pinterest]
As far as I’m concerned, in Final Fantasy XV you play Notcis, a sheltered prince who is sent by his father on a road trip with his three best bros/bodyguards to go marry his beard, Princess Lunafreya. Their marriage is going to unite the two kingdoms and bring peace, blah blah, but obviously that doesn’t happen as planned, blah blah, and along the way you learn the importance of brotherhood and friendship and talking about your feelings, BLAH BLAH. There’s so much more to the story, of course, but who cares when you need to decide which one you’d most like to practice kissing with?!? 

Your options are Prompto, a spazzy twink who enjoys photography, chocobos, and being a bottom; Ignis, a nerdy Britsh twunk who enjoys mispronouncing “recipe”, cooking, and being a very fussy bottom; and Gladio, a former camboy who enjoys mullets, arm day, leg day, back day, abs day, chest day, Cup Noodles:

And being that guy who puts “masc4masc” in his Grindr profile. I want to believe he’s a top, but of he’s probably a bottom, too, because that would be my luck. I should add that they all like puns, so it’s a hard choice, I know. 

ANYWAYS, since the heart wants what it wants, and what it wants are men who will never love me in return, I chose Gladio. Also, when an official survey asking what fans wanted next in Final Fantasy XV, I said I wanted them to make Gladio shirtless, and guess what, everybody? DREAMS DO COME TRUE:

[via Player.One]
I know Michelle Visage hates it when a Drag Race queen rest on her body-ody-ody, but I’d rest on Gladio’s body-ody-ody for days, if you know what I mean. STAY AWAY FROM MY MAN OR I WILL NOMI MALONE YOU, IGNIS.

[via VH1]
My point is that I don’t know why Vivienne Westwood would design a wedding dress for a character in a video game because it’s just a video game and also that wedding is obviously a sham, but she also calls very nice smelling fragrances “naughty”, so who am I to question her life choices?

What I do know is that if Vivienne Westwood would like to up her synergy game and release a Final Fantasy tie-in fragrance, I will support that decision. She can call it “Definitely Straight Dudes” and then have it smell like Boy Butter and stale poppers. That seems to be how these things work. And until that magical day happens, I’ll be wearing Naughty Alice whenever I play Final Fantasy XV, because I may hate heights and real pants, but I love a good adventure.

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