Grab the dirrtiest chaps you own and gird your loins for impending crotch burn, ladies and gentlemen. I have a vision, a yin-yang fascination with and suspicion of celebrity fragrances, and two weeks off of work, so in honor of the holidays and in celebration of Christina Aguilera, I’m thrilled to announce Ode de Parfum’s Xtina-mas Perfume Advent Calendar! Yes, starting tomorrow, each day will bring perfume first impressions, campy non sequiturs, and trainwrecks of thought about a different perfume in the “No. 1 Awarded Celebrity Brand” according to this page on Christina Aguilera’s perfume website.
The rules of the game are simple: every day is a new post on a new perfume. We’ll start with 2007’s Christina Aguilera and move ahead chronologically as we count down to Xtina-mas, which is when I put on all of Christina Aguilera’s perfumes while watching Burlesque and I tell you what that is like. Xtina-mas, by the way, will be on Boxing Day, because part of the “Dirrty” is set in a boxing ring, duh, but also because I feel like there’s at least a song’s worth of Xtina-approved entendres about boxes I’m surprised she hasn’t already made. I guess that’s what happens when you’re too busy winning perfume awards.